at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
