I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I could fuck to npr.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
