I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
