His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
