You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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