So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
