Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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