so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
