so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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