I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
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im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
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I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.