Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg