im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
23 People Confess The Trashiest Thing They’ve Seen In Person
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
19 Transgender People Reveal The First Sign That They Were Trans
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?