then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She bit a glass in half.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen