my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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