also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
the raccoons are back...
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