in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
