i don't like sucking hair
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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