drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
