I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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