So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
