I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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