I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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