I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
