im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
i believe in u and ur pee
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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