Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
