She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I love having hate sex.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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