Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
