I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
