Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
