...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
