I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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