i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
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The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
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Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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