I want to stick my p in your. b.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
