this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
