i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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