I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
