you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
