Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
