I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
