For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
