Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
