When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
