didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
