I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
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OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Is it penis luge time yet?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
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laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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