I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
