If i come over, it means nothing
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
