If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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