If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
