I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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