Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
