Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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