Screwed.edu
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
