is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
