if i can run in heels then i can drive
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
