You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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