he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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