I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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