You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I can feel your judgement through the phone
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
