the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We have so much sex to catch up on
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
