I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
