Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
It's just like the Real World with babies
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
