I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
