I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
bring money and cleavage
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
