Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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