"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
