FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
