I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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