so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
