At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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