bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
