its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
