Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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