I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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