The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
