i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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