i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
