How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
