The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
