i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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