I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
