OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
