they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
