I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
