at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
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The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
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You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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