you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
