You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
