He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
